So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
