I accidentally had phone sex last night
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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