So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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