You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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