I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
