you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
