When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
