she was so not down for the gang bang
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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