Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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