Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
