the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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