addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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