I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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