I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
