How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
