Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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