break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I love having hate sex.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
