Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
