He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
