So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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