I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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