you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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