im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
