quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize