Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
