you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
