You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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