So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
