She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
