She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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