i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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