The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
