I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
