the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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