Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i love accidental penises.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
