How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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