so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
