My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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