Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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