totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
