Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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