You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
