I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
