I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
