I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
