My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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