Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
