I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
