Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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