I'm lost and stupid without you.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize