your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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