we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
