I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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