He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
