I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
