I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
