Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Two words: blizzard sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize