Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
