I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
