My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
