How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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