Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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