I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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