I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
