I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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