I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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