I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
