I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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