For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
