don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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