I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We need a shit load of segways right now
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize