dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Randomize
