My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
