So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize