Having a random hookup so left but love u
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
