My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
